Daring to Walk Back Into Relationships

I was talking with a guy recently who said to me, “John, what do I do? I didn't know these truths of identity in Christ when I was parenting and now my son says he wants nothing to do with God, and I feel terrible. I feel like it's my fault. What do I say?” Well, this is not uncommon, right? Some of it has everything to do with you, and some of it has very little to do with you. 

Everybody is on their own journey with how they're going to see God. 

But the first thing you have to do is not let shame predominate the rest of your experience with your son. If you could have done better, you would have. You didn't know then what you know now.

All of us are constantly having to discover how we live in the new normal, in the new revelation of something that didn't work, or someone who isn't walking with God. And the beautiful thing to know is God is never disgusted or ashamed with your new normal. He says, “I'm right here and you’re not a failure. Let's go. I've got you and you are enough.” You have learned things, and you continue to learn things that are going to stead you really well now, and you never stop parenting. So in this new normal, you learn how to earn trust, and sometimes it takes a while. By the way, there are no Ozzie and Harriet families — no ideal or perfect families exist. Everybody has a similar story in some way if you just dig far enough. 

So now we want to move out of shame and say, “How can I love my son? How could I love my daughter? How can I trust you, God?” 

I can trust God that I will come to my kids with the best of who I am and not constantly in arrears, or in deficit, or feeling like I'm not enough because I wasn't enough at one time. God has something beautiful afoot. So, maybe it starts out with a car drive up north where you listen to some of their music and stop for pie and ask them why they like that music. You get permission to just be together without a hook, without a catch, without a moralizing statement. You're earning the right to be known and to know your child again.

You don’t want to bypass that step and just try to figure out how to get them back in. You don't want them back into something. All of us need Jesus. And so you're standing with them and creating an environment where someday maybe they come to you and say, “Hey Dad, I don't get it. Why did we do church? What was that and why do you still believe this?” And maybe there'll be enough context built that you get to answer a beautiful answer. You get to relax and remember this ― God is not ashamed of your new normal. He's with you in it.