Eight Ways to Help Someone With Depression

Thanks for being here again throughout this whole series on depression. The first three weeks have kind of been related to the person who's depressed. Today, I want to switch that around and talk to those who love and care for the people who are hurting with depression. So let me go through some concepts that might be helpful as you are going to meet with them.

One. They want to stay in their heads. They want to stay there and not come out. And yet it feels terrible for them. When you're depressed, you feel different and unknowable, unlovable and strange, and you lose your confidence. So we can help get them out of their own head because they're not hearing themselves accurately all the time. They feel unknowable. And so for you to be able to affirm, “I hear you, and I believe you,” is so powerful. 

Two. They don't know where God went. They don't know how to talk to Him in this season. They knew Him in that season before, but this is brand new. And so for you to normalize this and let them be able to enjoy, either by modeling it or by giving them a chance to talk about it is powerful. 

Three. They're afraid of being in public. They don't feel normal. So any chance you can give them a safe environment in public is a gift.

Four. They are afraid that when people come to meet with them and care for them, it's because of pity. Let them know you are here only because this is where you want to be and you love them. That's a huge thing. They can smell religious slogans a mile away. None of this, “When God closes a window, He breaks….what does He do again? I know there's a door involved or is it a vent?...” Don't do any of that. Those slogans didn't work for them then, and they're not working for them now. So, don't give them those little religious one-liners.

Five. They've forgotten the comfort and peace of God. 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:6-8 (NASB)

When we’re not at peace, our hearts and our minds are at risk. They're vulnerable. So, listen to them. Don't tell your story. They're not being rude, but they don't really care that much. But what you can do is tell them the ways you've received comfort. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NASB)

Yes, I have felt this comfort. And it's coming for you. That's what 2 Corinthians 1 is talking about. Give them the dignity and honor that they're worthy of. Ask what you can do, and do what you say you will do. Don't say you understand what they're going through. Cause you don't. And it infuriates them for anyone to say that they do. Remember what they told you because they are telling you about their pain and to come back and say, “Now weren't you in some kind of...do you get a little tired at night?” Their pain is so meaningful to them, and they want to know that you have heard them. Remind them of their importance to you. Don't be offended if they don't try your newest help. They've tried so much and they're out of money. 

Six. Let them get it all out. Just show up, check-in with them. That's one of the most important things you can do. Don't take the rudeness personally. Let them meet your needs. They are so tired of just having everybody try to meet their needs. They desperately need a chance to meet your needs. Let them be worse than they were the last time. Let them cry without apparent reason. Ask them if they'd like to be prayed for, but don't pray for them and then be disappointed at them for not getting better. Get permission to talk about what might be at the center of their pain, if they want to.

Seven. And you can ask them about forgiveness. If they keep articulating, “I just can't get over what she said. She said that, but she never…” then you can walk through that vertical forgiveness and horizontal forgiveness that's talked about in The Cure. That's a powerful gift to offer. 

Eight. Model Philippians 4:6-8. Remembering that you don't have to worry about anything, but by everything with prayer adoration, getting into the presence of God, just enjoying Him, bragging on Him, praising Him, and then telling Him the things that are hurting. And then thanksgiving. He’s done it before and He’ll do it again. Let the peace of God, which is greater than all understanding, guard your heart and your mind. Let them watch you do that and give them a chance when they want, or they're ready to do it themselves. 

All right, you guys. There is so much more, but today, that's enough.

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