Inviting Your Children to See Your Parenting Motivation

Hello, my friends. Last time we were talking about earning trust as parents. Today, I just wanted to share something I think would be of value, not just to parents, but in all relationships. Sometimes people will come to me and say, “What do I do in the moment? He's just been unkind to his little sister. I sent him to his room. He comes out but he hasn't changed. He's still indignant and upset. He's hurt. He's violated.” They just are constantly on you. Maybe they are two and five, or seven and eleven, or whatever the combo. 

And here's where I want to say: There's not much in that moment that you are going to do that will change the heart of your child. You're going to have to figure out how to survive that moment because that moment has been developing by patterns in your family for years. As a result, there's a parenting permission, a children's permission, or a law that has snuck in. And sometimes it is just kids being with each other in a confined space for a long time. 

No matter how well you’ve parented, it's going to be hard. 

But what I loved as a parent was to be able to step away from the situation and a week later, to go on a car ride or to take them to somewhere where you could sit down and they could have the dessert of their choice. When you’re there, you get to impart your vision of what you want to see happen. You can do it with both parents, but it would be wonderful for each parent to have that opportunity, one-on-one. 

I got to say, “Here's why I discipline the way I do. I want to give you permission to speak into whether it's effective or not. Here's the game plan that your mom and I have developed. Here are the values we have that we want to protect you in. And I don't always tell those to you, so how would you know, but here's what I'm wanting. Here's what I'm hoping over time gets passed on into our family. “

Kindness and respect are of very high value in our family. And so I get to explain that to them and then the next time they see me, they’re going to watch me in real life knowing how I'm going to discipline them. And they may not like it, but at least they’ll know my motivation behind it. And then they can say, “Oh, I get it. I can help you. I can be the big brother in this situation. Mom or Dad is trying to do this. Oh, I get it. How cool.”

You get to watch your children as they start to buy into your system, just like in football when the team starts to buy into the coach's system. 

That's what they'll get to do. They're not just seeing behaviors of mom disciplining or dad disciplining. Instead, you're getting to let your kids age appropriately into why you do what you do and let them join in standing with you.

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