The Language of Grace

Grace is beautiful. It has its own language. Do you know that? 

Grace gives me a way of communicating with someone that causes them to be able to trust me. 

Grace teaches us that we, in humility, can obey from the heart and not out of compliance. That's why grace is so powerful over sin, over wrong, over failure. Anything else appeals to the flesh. Romans says, “For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:14 (NASB)

Whatever you believe about flesh, there's an unregenerate place within us that has a response to “You should. You ought. What's wrong with you? When will you? Why can't you?” It appeals to embarrassment, shame, repetition, and nagging. 

I overheard a conversation the other day. A man was talking about his wife as he watched her have another piece of cheesecake. He said, within her hearing, “Oh, there she goes. She's having another piece of cheesecake. She's going to kill herself, that's what she's going to do.”

Now, what did that do?

He's thinking somehow this 95th nagging, this 95th embarrassment and shaming of her will somehow cause her to think, You know what? I should stop having this cheesecake. No, it doesn't work that way. Instead, she thinks, If I'm going to have cheesecake again, I'm going to have to hide better. 

We'll talk more about appealing to the new nature. 

But for today, only this: The real me wants to do right. The real me wants to love. 

The real me wants to obey from the heart. If I want to stand with you, I have to find the language that woos that part out instead of nagging, instead of everything being educational with a moral ending. I have to be self-aware. Am I getting through? Am I the one to say this at this time? Is this the right time to say it and how would I know? I want so much to get permission into your heart. Anyone can get information but if I want to give truth, if I want to give insight and discernment, if I want to give wisdom, they’re going to have to trust me, and they're going to have to trust that I won't embarrass them, humiliate them, nag them, play them, work them. 

Instead, I will stand with them, and I will ask for permission, and I will wait until I have it. In the meantime, I'll stand with them, with my arm around them, looking at it together, waiting for that moment where the other says, “I need your help. Help me. I trust you.” That's when wonderful things get to happen. 

We want to find other ways that are beautiful to help her not have another piece of cheesecake... You know what? Let her have another piece of cheesecake. Everything's going to be just fine if we can learn to appeal to each other's new nature.